Transcript
From the Dad’s Club, I’m Vincent Phamvan. Welcome back to another quick tip episode, where we share real stories of our members becoming even better dads so that their families can live better lives.
Today’s quick tip comes from a question from one of our members, who asked what they should do if their child is not very good at their favorite sport, but wants to try to go pro by picking colleges based on their sports teams. They want to know if they should tell their son, or let them pursue this.
There are a few different psychologists that have written about this. The first that comes to mind is Dr. Daniel J. Siegel from UCLA. He wrote a book called Brainstorm, which is about the teenage brain. In that book, he talked about how when the brain develops, in the childhood years, the brain produces an excess of neurons and neural connections. But then in the teenage years, the brain trims and prunes away the neurons and synapses that it thinks it no longer needs. So some of these neural circuits are weakened.
On the question of what should the dad say or not say to their son, the brain prunes neurons based on prior experiences, so if the child seems to show an interest in music, then you want to immerse him or her in music and play an instrument before puberty arrives. That’ll make it so the brain knows that music isn’t going away, and the neurons and synapses related to music won’t be pruned during adolescence.
Another perspective comes from Julie Lythcott-Haims’ New York Times bestselling title How to Raise an Adult. She said that parents who are highly educated are more likely to see their child’s intellectual capabilities over their actual interests. The outcome is that even if the child has the intelligence and skills needed to become a doctor, but they’d rather do something else, then they’ll never be happy as a doctor.
Dr. Emily Edlynn, who is a clinical psychologist, says you shouldn’t say anything to your son. She says that he will learn best if his environment gives him feedback naturally. As a parent, you can stay in the role of being their biggest fan, and let the world do the dream-crushing. If you can’t help yourself from getting involved, another option is to check with your son’s soccer coach. She says you don’t need to share your own observations, but rather just ask “what do you think of his plan to choose a college for their soccer teams? Do you think he’s at a high enough level to play in college?”
That’s it for this Quick Tip episode. I’m Vincent Phamvan. See you next time.
Question: What should I do if my child is not very good at sports but wants to pursue a professional career as an athlete? He’s currently picking colleges based on their soccer teams.
Answer: That can be tough to be your child’s biggest fan while also setting realistic expectations about their abilities. There are a few different psychologists that have written about this. The first that comes to mind is Dr. Daniel J. Siegel from UCLA. He wrote a book called Brainstorm, which is about the teenage brain. In that book, he talked about how when the brain develops, in the childhood years, the brain produces an excess of neurons and neural connections. But then in the teenage years, the brain trims and prunes away the neurons and synapses that it thinks it no longer needs. So some of these neural circuits are weakened.
On the question of what should the dad say or not say to their son, the brain prunes neurons based on prior experiences, so if the child seems to show an interest in music, then you want to immerse him or her in music and play an instrument before puberty arrives. That’ll make it so the brain knows that music isn’t going away, and the neurons and synapses related to music won’t be pruned during adolescence.
Another perspective comes from Julie Lythcott-Haims’ New York Times bestselling title How to Raise an Adult. She said that parents who are highly educated are more likely to see their child’s intellectual capabilities over their actual interests. The outcome is that even if the child has the intelligence and skills needed to become a doctor, but they’d rather do something else, then they’ll never be happy as a doctor.
Dr. Emily Edlynn, who is a clinical psychologist, says you shouldn’t say anything to your son. She says that he will learn best if his environment gives him feedback naturally. As a parent, you can stay in the role of being their biggest fan, and let the world do the dream-crushing. If you can’t help yourself from getting involved, another option is to check with your son’s soccer coach. She says you don’t need to share your own observations, but rather just ask “what do you think of his plan to choose a college for their soccer teams? Do you think he’s at a high enough level to play in college?”
